crazy_james

crazy_james @ 2005-10-14T05:38:00

2005-10-14T12:38:50Z

COMING HOME THE 27th

2005-10-07T14:35:26Z

SUCK IT...coming to chugg brews in srq and break shit. No doubt I will kick a wall down and piss on your face....can you hear me knocking I am in my boxers eating noodles and listening three six mafia in Los Angeles waiting to come home for 4 days...where will you be...

Song of the day!!!!!!!!

2005-06-03T13:41:51Z

http://www.garageband.com/genre/comedy

ALso LA rules bitchs. Herion park walks are awesome.

LA

2005-05-28T05:28:32Z

Hey guys,
I just moved into my new apartment in LA. It's a decent size and it has windows on the whole front since it is a corner apartment. It rules. I really miss you guys alot but at the same time i wish i could bring my friends here. Everyone who reads this definitely has a place to stay in LA. I dont have a car but I have a awesome beach cruiser. I love it and rocking the metro system. I am really lonely right now becuase friends havent been established out here yet. I really miss my sister and sometimes i regrett that I wont be able to watch her grow up. This is life. I really need to make alot of money out here. I need to be able to travel like crazy and rage. Who knows maybe i just need friends out in LA.

crazy_james @ 2005-04-01T02:57:00

2005-04-01T08:07:18Z

It's been three days since my accident. I still can't feel. I think I lost my sense of Emotion when I hit. I take a breath and it doesn't feel like anyhting neither does living nor dying. I was supposed to die. I fucking hit a tree with no helmet goin 90mph. Why the fuck am I alive. I feel nothing now. No remorse, No love, No Hate....just this neutral stillness. Its as if someone made you believe you were drinking water but the glass was empty. I feel insanely empty yet people are telling me how lucky I am. Self-pity got nobody nowhere. But I guess Nowhere is some sort of destination. I felt me die. The animal we all have just collapse into a fine line of nothing. I became nothing for a split second. No story could replace me. I would just be a silhoutte. No last fuck good-bye...No last words. Fuck. I keep thinking What if I was died...Then I say FUCK YOU JAMES...you are still here get a hold of yourself. I am drowning in nothing, hell I don't even know what drowning is anymore...Is this what 3 days sober gets me. Nothing but and inevitable nothing. I wish I could say more but my mind is going stale and it sems the more I type the more I feel like this is useless.

crazy_james @ 2005-03-20T19:10:00

2005-03-21T03:12:09Z

Got a 60G ipod...need your tunes.
Got a camera phone because i guess i ruined mine
Got completely wasted Friday.
Woazza

crazy_james @ 2005-03-17T00:38:00

2005-03-17T05:40:24Z

Who gets fucking sick the night before saint patrick's day. fuck you...I was about to say god then I realized I was god. Maybe one more puke session and I will be fine.

70 days til my departure: MAY 22, 2005

2005-03-13T22:44:23Z

Holy shit,
This is amazing I am leaving and it rules. Alot of people are like dude your gonna fail at that acting shit. I probably will but the thing is I am not trying to become fucking famous. If anything I just want to live in a ridicoulus atmosphere with ridicoulus people. Sarasota has awesome people but this place sucks my nuts. I know I will definitly miss alot of u guys and maybe it is to soon to get mooshy, so I won't just give me a call to get drunk before I leave. I hope some of you visit. Anyways I also wanted to tell everyone my shit is for sale. If you don't like my stuff well hell just give me some money...call it a donation. Scam money from your parents and then give me the money to me. I don't care how you get the money.

I Fuckin' love this shit...RAGE IT UP

SELLING MY ROOM

2005-03-10T04:54:49Z

PS2-75$ + GTA for extra 10

32inch RCA XBOX edition-250$ I will also throw in a blow up doll

Numark Turn Table and Transfer- Retail for 275 together- $150

DVDs- $10 dollas a piece except godfather dvd collection and cky collection those are 25 a piece

A plastic squirrel- 7$

Costumes Costumes Costumes......give me a call 941-323-0435

Old Comic books I will sell them all over 300 for $90 they are worth in the hundreds

Baseball card collection so many...sel the whole collection for $80 worth up words of 500

I have 12 signs from all over sarasota...5 dollars a piece

just give me a call to check out my shit...ANY BODY 323-0435

And It Begins

2005-02-22T10:30:30Z

So I am not going across country now. I think I need to graduate first before fucking up the rest of my life with traveling and drinking. Anyways another reason I am not going across country is because I am coming out with another BONER MAGAZINE. I loved seeing people read that shit and the stuff I have now blows that shit out of the water. I kinda need help with some stuff like designing clothes for my DICKS!!! Thats right penis clothes newest trend just like shitting and forgetting to wipe. Anyways I am also looking for a FUCK OF THE MONTH. This catagory can either go to a girl or a guy but they really have to prove themselves.

OH CHRIS HEMBROUGH...I CHALLENGE YOU!!!!!!!!!!And everyone else to a drinking contest.
We need to plan a date and set a time but Guinness is on the menu and we have 2 hours to drink as much guiness as possible without puking. Anyone is welcome to come out for the competition.

I am also looking for writers...I got alot of material but my spelling and shit is horrible. Anyways we have time so if you know how to do vocabulary shit hit me up.

I also dont think the cook out is going down either...but we will wait
and see things be a changing.

OH I JUST FORGOT I AM A MALE STRIPPER....call me for your next party: 323-0435

crazy_james @ 2005-02-20T19:48:00

2005-02-21T00:44:34Z

Ready to Workout!!!!!!!!!!

DRUNK ACROSS AMERICA BBQ

2005-02-15T06:24:19Z

Drunk Across America
BENEFIT COoK-OUT

Where: Siesta Key Pavilion Cook-Out Park
When: Saturday the 5th of March
Time: 12:30 am-4: 30 pm

$5 Dollars w/ RSVP
$7 Dollars on Day Of
(Donations Kindly Accepted)

What does $5 dollars get you.
-Filet Mignon / Random Meat
-Keg of Beer (possibly two)
-Chicken
-Corn/ Beans

Valentines

2005-02-14T01:47:54Z

It was wierd last night. I really want to have sex but I couldn't chase anything because I had thoughts of the lady on my mind. This is the first time I haven't well pursued other sexual endeavors while seeing somebody. The wierd thing is were not seeing each other. Well we are but we aren't because its an open relationship. Why can't I tell her she means so much. It's Valentines day tommorow and well I will be without my valentine. Why does coldplay make anybody feel romantic. Have you ever felt like the safest place to be was cradling the one you cared about. That warmth two put off during sex. It takes fucking to anohter level then just fucking. Its gives it a new meaning...calm slow sex and kisses that overlap both parties. God I miss her.

On top of all of this I am playing tour guide to this fucking hot ass Brazilian chick who is 17 who just moved her....she is staying til may and I guess my mom said I would show her around Sarasota. She is in for a treat.

Anyways Valentines day is tommorow and I just want everyone to feel not so lonely when your masturbating to a pic of some bitch on the internet and eating those heart shaped candies thinking " Man I need to get laid". I am sure everything wll work out for you.

Drunk Across America

2005-02-07T01:54:33Z

Hey Help Fund
"DRUNK ACROSS AMERICA"
This is my motorcycle journey that will be taking place in March and April
Due to the shitty speeding ticket I just got I need help MONEY wise to get drunk every night...It approximately cost $38.47 a night to get me completely wasted to the point of passing out. If anybody can help me out I am accepting donations and if you would like to collect donations that would also rule. This trip is maybe 20 or 30 days so that is like 600 dollars. Your change would also suffice.

i LOVE U

I am going to be a fucking corporation

2005-02-01T10:31:18Z

So I am sitting at the bar tonight wel last night, fuck this mornining. Anyways I am on my 6th pint and I start talking about my gigs stripping that I have coming up and then this guy is like "You know you can just be a fucking corporation."

What the fuck did he mean? Then my friends at the bar were like yea we will make business cards and be your managers. They just want 10% of the cut and I just shake my balls all day. This is goin to rule. I am going to make more money than combined families and I am going to fucking love it. the one catch is that they want me to do porn......WHICH WILL RULE. Straight porn of course but I have no prob doing a nude web site.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

Woow

2005-01-30T18:16:20Z

I got my first ticket for going 130mph in a 70, I could've ran which I usually do but I was drunk. Anyways gainsville RULED I fucking raged til 4 in the morning with English Men and then saw my friend ali jae.

When i got to gainsville it was 12 and my drunkness was fading, but right when I fuckin open the door all these fucking people greet me with shoots and some girl to lick sugar off her breasts, that ruled.

I only had 4 hours to spend with the lady so I didnt want to wait to get to the sex but life has its unexpected turns and well I am a alcholic so I made the choice of drinking rather than fucking all night. So anyways I get piss drunk and go to ALbertsons to buy suasuage and I end up almost getting arrested for running down the aisle with my dick out pissing on all the chips. That also ruled.

So what I am trying to get at is I didnt fo to sleep and I have been drinking all night and day I stopped drinking at 11am to drive home. This to also ruled.

-PS: I AM GOD

crazy_james @ 2005-01-16T22:39:00

2005-01-17T06:39:59Z

i am having sex....in gainesville...drunk

crazy_james @ 2005-01-08T16:27:00

2005-01-08T21:35:31Z

I AM GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....my new tattoo.

The Walker

2004-12-31T07:50:29Z

How am i supposed to realize why I am lost. i love your touch but I can't say yes. Neither can you. Does this hurt, no, or so you say. I wish I didn't have a penis and life would be so much easier. What happened to the days when I was a virgin and my mind was not so pre-occupied with getting laid. It was only two and a half years a ago. Why did I change so fast why am i still looking. I guess we all question ourselves when there is someone we know we might have a chance with but usually know time will only bring rough fucks and slow drains of emotions. I guess this is my plee with myself to recognize I am just the Walker walking alone.

PS-I hear I am a slut.....for everyone to enjoy.

Roomate search

2004-12-28T21:55:00Z

Does anyone want to move to St. Pete. I think I might buy a 5 bedroom house so that means I would be looking for 4 possible roomates. Call me at 323-0435 or just post. I think if I had enough people to go in I would purchase the property immediately.

Honesty Time

2004-12-27T11:55:03Z

I guess I am just goin to list the things I need to get off my chest

The Vanderwalkers- I am sorry for picking on you guys so much your great girls and I really miss hangingout...I wish that my rude jokes and horrible display of joking with you doesn't kill something that might have become.You both are beatiful just understand sometimes I like to joke.

Chris Hembrough- I am sorry for not drinking up to my potential I wish I could be more, but maybe I am just growing up. I will always be down for chugging but it seems that the more everyone drinks the more we try harder for a good time. I think that life is great and so is drinking but can to much of a good thing become to casual. Don't get me wrong drinking all the time is a blast but maybe if you reserve it gets better

Andrew- I am sorry for being a ass, friends don't do shit like that. I truly am sorry. There is no reason for that and I think in the future we should keep things private. I know that when i get drunk i become retarded so if you can forgive, well shit man I love you.

Maggie- I am just sorry for hating you so much. I have given it alot of thought and it comes to my realization, that I only hated you because I couldn't see that I was the person to be hating. What happened to us was not neccessary but it is just a process that I sometimes place myself in. Awkard silence....maybe I should just be thankful I knew you.

My mom- I guess I am really sorry for her. I love her so much but I just get drunk and she busts me masturbating on Christmas Eve. I love how she has to tell me over dinner.

Alex R.-I am sorry you think I am a whore. I wish you could see I am not out to fuck you. But I am not opposed to the idea of it either. I just want you to have fun whatever that may be.

Lemus- I wish we could hang more. I am sorry I have turned into a yuppie so quick. I guess I will always be crazy james but in fancy clothes and a fancy motorcycle. I am always down for thrashing.

Troy- I am sorry for...well for anything that I have done to you....I am sure there is something so just fill in the blanks.

Why I am saying sorry..because it's just time to get things off my chest. I am not gong emo I am just clearing up some lose ends. I fyou deserve a apology from me for something just post and I will see if you deserve a apology from me for what I have done.

Bourgeois: A person of the middle class

2004-12-19T22:47:44Z

Well to start my motorcycle is fixed.
I got into my desing college.
I escaped a DUI last night...slick verbs
I have a gigantic hickey on my neck
I am actually happy happy and it feels great
I love Sarasota because everyone else hates it
I am going to be a stripper in January
I love life and the drinks that follow it
I love maing out under bridges

For the most part I am really...extraordinarily happy

PS- JAC's sucks my balls

Bummer

2004-12-06T01:12:33Z

My Motorcycle broke.
I still feel on top of the world and I love life but today I woke up alone and I know that I am 18 and I need to have as much sex humanly possible at this age, but maybe just maybe I might need someone to. I love sex alot but the thing is I dont love the people. I need someone I can share me with. I need a lady to drink with me and then take care of me. I need a for sure fuck at the end of the night, i need not to worry about being alone. I need someone to hold. I need a motorcycle buddy who doesnt mind to grab my thighs. Where is this lady? How will I tell her I just want her? I just want a sober hug that means more than friends or he does this to everyone. I just want to kiss one person and know that is the only person I have to kiss. I want someone. Are you that someone?

Wooo

2004-11-25T19:23:10Z

HAppy thanksgiving. I am so full! And I just wanted to say I miss you guys. I hope you cash some thanksgiving brews. I cashed a TOWER of BEER yesterday and it ruled. Thank You

GOD ROCKS WHEN HE IS DRUNK

2004-11-01T02:53:03Z

Holy fuck,
How do I try to explain this when people say words cant capture a moment.

Well to begin with I have a ID now. Irresponsible me can drink anywhere at anytime and it is amazing. The date of the incident was the 30th of October a Saturday that will be emblazed in the minds of the few that were able to expierence the whole journey.

10:30am- I wake up in bed next to jordan and realized I have pissed my pants.
a.)do I tell jordan i pissed in her bed
b.)do I hide my underwears and say the smell is coming from the
bathroom
Neither I decided it would be funny to get naked and curl back in bed and tell her while she drove me to meet up with Andy at Dino's.

11:40am- We arrive at Dino's and chow down on some food and talk about the night
before which I frankly didn't remember. Then intellectual sparks flew
between the sober and realized I have a ID and that Marcus needed to
buy beer since he had so rudely taken my NEWCASTLE brew the night
before.

11:55am- I walk to Kash n Karry and proceed to purchase $50 dollars worth of
delcious beer and concieved the plan to drink at the beach.

12:10pm- We arrive at the beach with Garret, Marcus, and Andy all bulked up for
the ladies to bad I hate the sun and girls who need tans probably need
a dude to fuck who has a tan to. I have nothing my skin looks like
paste. I insist on drinking and worry about the tan later.
BEER COUNT-8

2:00pm- I was able to talk some kids into buying some brew off of me. It ruled
they were 15 yrs old and paid 20 bucks for 7 beers. Of those seven
beers I poured four into a Zephryhills jug and chugged with another
random kid.
BEER COUNT-10

3:30pm- So I am TIPSY and the sun is baking my brain into shit. Boredom is
coming on to me so the crew decides to go back to Andy's house and
give Marcus a haircut. A FAUKLET. A premium blend of a Mowhawk and a
Mullet. It looked sexy but we thought the Mullet alone looked cleaner.
All in all Marcus was able to resemble some fucking redneck that butt-
fucks little boys in his trailer while listening to Neil Diamond.

3:50pm- Garret sees how powerful the haircut can be and I cconvince him into
getting the DIAMOND. The diamond is just what it is I cut a fucking
diamond into his head. It RULED. I also cashed a beer in the haircutting
process.
BEER COUNT-11

4:00pm- Pick Up Chris H. and go to this House Show I am supposed to be playing.

5:00pm- Instead of playing the House Show I cash 4 beers and threw candy
everywhere in a drunken rage. I was pissed it sucked so much so I
proceeded to slam dunk on their basketbal hoop ripping it from the wall.
Drinking is funny but when you turn into Conan the Drunken Barbarian it
is amazing. Oh almost forgot everyone was stoned so I climbed a tree and
destroyed its fucking branches to prove that being drunk is better than
being high.
BEER COUNT-15

6:00pm- After Raging so Hard we headed to the Drunk Man Hunger Mecca TACO BELL.
2 1/2 lb. bean burritos later I am hitting people in the head with by
left over beans and throwing burritos everywhere. I was tired from all
the rapid raging so I decided to unload some urine in the front window
of TACO BELL making sure all the people eating with their families could
see me peeing. The manager immediately comes out to try and stop this
ASAP. Here is a excerpt of the conversation

MANAGER- "You can't do that here."
JAMES- "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!"
MANAGER- "We have a bathroom, your not a animal."
JAMES- "HAHAHA"
MANAGER-"Put your penis away or I'll have to call the cops"
JAMES- "LET ME SHAKE IT OFF....LET ME SHAKE IT OFF"

After making a complete ass of myself and my wiener I run back to the car
to be confronted by a angered middleaged man who yells at me for peeing
in front of his family. I just drink another beer.
BEER COUNT-16

7:00pm- The crew heads out to a Mansion Party in the middle of nowhere.

7:55pm- Finally arrive and start killing it so hard immediately. They kick us
out in the first 15 min. I guess they cant handle it. I love how by
trying to kick us out we comprehend that by pumping up the adrenaline
and start to go insane.

8:45pm- Cashing cup for cup from the keg. I think I drank a estimated ten cups
in a matter of 20 mins.That is a modest estiment. At this point my body
should be shutting down yet my genetic need for beer kicks in and I
start to feel the POWER. Insanity is brewing and me and Chris start to
jump off the balcony porch into the shrubs below. People go nuts and me
and Chris start to wrestle like Roman Gladiators.
BEER COUNT-26

11:00pm- Still drinking but dont pay attention to how many. Dont care because I
am drunk. Alot of random peeing in the house on part of Chris H.

11:20pm- Me and Chris start to throw hot dogs all over the house and smear each
other with melted cheese dip. Police finally arrive.

11:30pm- Chris H., Garret, and me ride out to escape jailarity.

12:00pm- Chris H. passes out.

12:30pm- Me and Garret party hunt and decide people suck so we go to the Ritz
Carlton.

12:50am- Garret and me start getting wet at the Ritz off of fancy drinks. We
are mesmerized how much more these people suck than regular people
but come to the conlcusion it doesnt matter because they are literally
queers and start making out. Beef party.

1:00am- I run out on the tab and leave Garret hoping he would run out to yet
gets busted and has to pay our tab. It sucked.

1:15am- Head to the 5'0 clock club and get a shot of shit for a buck and head
back out to the car to head back to Andy's House.

1:30am- TEA BAG PARTY....Marcus got the balls in the face.

1:45am- Garret starts to cut Chris H. hair while he is passed out. Garret gets
two good chunks of hair out and then Chris comes back to life to fight
the scissors away. He lost. Slicing his finger on both sides and busting
a artery and tearing a nerve ending he bleed all over the place.

2:00am- We arrive at the emrgency room blasted with Chris bleeding everywhere.
He recieves 7 stiches and cant leave until the hospital gets ahold of
his mother.

2:10am- TIME CHANGE...extra hour to buy beer. YEEE HAWW

1:30am- Realize we dont need beer we go back to Andy's to drink more brew

3:00am- Go home to find Chris runnning around in my house with my mom. I am
fucking drunk so hard. Bad mixture I proceed to fall asleep laughing.
BEER COUNT-32 this is a modest estimate

WOW I RULE WHEN I AM DRUNK